you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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