Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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