i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
