have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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