I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
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And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
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Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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