Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I look excited, but its just a facade.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
