I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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