I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
