I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
