Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
