I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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