I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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