dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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