So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
