What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
