he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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