At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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