It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
