glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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