It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
