I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
