not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
this just has baby written all over it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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