I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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