Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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