Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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