Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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