she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
