You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
