Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
