I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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