After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
