It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
