yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
