Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
