I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
