WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
