When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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