when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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