apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
