Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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