yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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