id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
