Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
