please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
