I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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