there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
