you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
