Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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