How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
