This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
