cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
