so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
