Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
