Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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