so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
