also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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