take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
