i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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