I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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