It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
