i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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