I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
