I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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