It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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