that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
