thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
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just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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