I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
