I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
