so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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