i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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