I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
