I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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