I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
