Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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