No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
