eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
