I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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