You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
