I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
