dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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